I've mostly ever lived on the outside of politics, not really taking much interest in things. I have my opinions of things, and they definitely tend toward liberalism, but I'm not a member of any political party or anything.
I am, however, registered to vote (and my voter information packet came in the mail the other day!). Now, though, I'm trying to figure out what to do come election day.
Regarding the presidential vote: I don't know who to vote for. I'm not impressed by either of the two main candidates, and I feel that if I find an independent candidate to vote for that I'm throwing my vote away. I have a preference between the two candidates, but it's more of a feeling of the lesser of two evils than actually wanting him at the country's helm. Part of me just wants to say "screw it" and move to Canada or something (or somewhere in Scandinavia .... ).
I could not vote in protest, or intentionally throw my vote away, but I don't think either of those will help anything.
I don't think anything will help anything.
Honestly? I'm a bit terrified of the US at the moment. I don't like the direction we're headed, and I don't like either of the two potential outcomes of the elections. Part of me wishes that we could trash the two-party system (which clearly doesn't work) and just have candidates run. The one with the most votes gets the presidency and the runner-up becomes the vice president. I suppose that worked better when we were just thirteen colonies, rather than how large our country is now.
I really want to be hopeful for the future, but everything looks so bleak, from a political standpoint.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Healing
So, for those of you who follow my Facebook, or my Twitter, you know that a couple weeks ago I was in the hospital.
For those who don't know: 5 May (Saturday) I had a stomach ache. As the day went on it got worse and worse and I ended up not sleeping. By 6 May (Sunday) it was bad enough that I asked Tene to take me to the ER. I hadn't slept, and I went to the ER around noon.
At the ER I got lots of tests, and a nice dose of Morphine - taking my pain from it's eight or nine down to a ... four or five (later down to a two). After a CT scan at, like, six, I was admitted to the hospital proper - the results? Appendicitis.
Sometime around eight or nine (it was a long day, I lost track) I was wheeled into surgery, appendix was removed (it hadn't ruptured, fortunately), and I woke up about an hour later, safe and sound (although my throat hurt from the stupid breathing tube, and my arm hurt from the IV), and I was finally given a useful dose of Morphine (I'd been kept at a lower dosage until the surgeon showed up so he could more properly evaluate the pain and such - at least that's what the nurses told me).
I spent the night in the hospital, and slept a little but not much (hospitals are not comfortable!). Around one or two the next day I went home, and I've been healing since.
It wasn't too bad of a healing - took about a week and a half, on and off of Vicodin. I'm a lot better now, though.
I just figured I might want to let everyone know that I was in the hospital, or you all might want to know that I was ill.
In other news I'm dealing with some pretty bad depression, unfortunately. I'm working on it, but it's a long road, you know? Seeing a psychologist (CBT specialty), psychiatrist, and a naturopath to see what they can do to help me.
For those who don't know: 5 May (Saturday) I had a stomach ache. As the day went on it got worse and worse and I ended up not sleeping. By 6 May (Sunday) it was bad enough that I asked Tene to take me to the ER. I hadn't slept, and I went to the ER around noon.
At the ER I got lots of tests, and a nice dose of Morphine - taking my pain from it's eight or nine down to a ... four or five (later down to a two). After a CT scan at, like, six, I was admitted to the hospital proper - the results? Appendicitis.
Sometime around eight or nine (it was a long day, I lost track) I was wheeled into surgery, appendix was removed (it hadn't ruptured, fortunately), and I woke up about an hour later, safe and sound (although my throat hurt from the stupid breathing tube, and my arm hurt from the IV), and I was finally given a useful dose of Morphine (I'd been kept at a lower dosage until the surgeon showed up so he could more properly evaluate the pain and such - at least that's what the nurses told me).
I spent the night in the hospital, and slept a little but not much (hospitals are not comfortable!). Around one or two the next day I went home, and I've been healing since.
It wasn't too bad of a healing - took about a week and a half, on and off of Vicodin. I'm a lot better now, though.
I just figured I might want to let everyone know that I was in the hospital, or you all might want to know that I was ill.
In other news I'm dealing with some pretty bad depression, unfortunately. I'm working on it, but it's a long road, you know? Seeing a psychologist (CBT specialty), psychiatrist, and a naturopath to see what they can do to help me.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Becoming a Queen
I've realized that I need to practice being the sort of person I want to be. Less "Fake it 'til you make it" and more just taking time out to consciously act the way that I eventually want to be all the time. I've been trying, every day, to take ten or so minutes every day to actively practice being the person I want to be. I think it's helped me.
Which is what the symbol over on the side (which I generally call a "Crowned Pawn" or a "Queened Pawn") represents. I've never been much of a chess player - in fact I think I barely learned most of the rules a couple months ago. I'm not really much at strategy games in general, honestly. But I know that the pawn pieces can only move forward, and when a pawn gets to the other end without being taken out by another piece it can become any other piece. A pawn, the simplest piece on the board, can become a queen, the most powerful piece in the game.
I've kind of taken this as a philosophy for my own life. I don't really have other pieces opposing me that can take me out - I know I can surpass most, if not all, the challenges life throws at me. All I, as a pawn, need to concentrate on is moving forward, one square at a time. And eventually I will be the person I want to be - a Queen.
I've been considering getting the Queened Pawn tattooed on the inside of my wrist as a reminder of all of this. I don't know if I will or not - to be honest I cringe and flinch away when I even hear a tattoo gun on TV or in movies or whatever. So, I don't know how I would be able to sit still through an hour (or more) of the pain and that buzzing sound.
In other news: I have to go to a physical therapist for my ankle, knee, and shoulder. I went to the doctor and the problem seems to be a musculature one somehow. Hopefully a PT will be able to help.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Plans and Happenings
First off: I finally have official plans for visiting Salt Lake! I'll be going out there in April - from April 5 to April 13. I hope I can see some of my friends and family while I'm out.
Lately most of what has been going on has been boring homemaking stuff. I'm working on cleaning the apartment thoroughly, today was day one and I'm about half done with a proper, full cleaning of the kitchen (it looks so nice already!).
I'm so happy I finally have the energy to do these things - and I'm glad to see that my motivational issue that I had are mostly gone (this is thanks to being put on Ambien (for the sleep) and going to NLP (for the motivation and depression). I still have a hard time starting on tasks, but once I do I can be pretty productive. I'm still sleeping a lot of the time, but that's improving and I'm sleeping less, and then I have energy when I am awake.
Yesterday I went to Stitches with a friend. I'm not much of a yarn person overall - or at least, I didn't think I was. Before yesterday all I had really experienced was Joann-quality yarn. I didn't realize it could be so soft and fluffy!
I like to crochet (especially plushies) but I can't knit. The friend I went with spins and has offered to teach me (both spinning and knitting), and I keep telling her that I've just got a lot of other stuff on my plate.
Well, looks like I'm going to learn to spin!
So, what happened was while she was buying some yarn the woman running the table asked us both to enter a giveaway for some unspun fleece - altogether about a pound. I filled out the entry on a whim from that - not really expecting much. And I won! I was so surprised! So now I have this fleece in some beautiful colors - but not much to do with it. So I get to learn to spin so I can make it into yarn!
Lately most of what has been going on has been boring homemaking stuff. I'm working on cleaning the apartment thoroughly, today was day one and I'm about half done with a proper, full cleaning of the kitchen (it looks so nice already!).
I'm so happy I finally have the energy to do these things - and I'm glad to see that my motivational issue that I had are mostly gone (this is thanks to being put on Ambien (for the sleep) and going to NLP (for the motivation and depression). I still have a hard time starting on tasks, but once I do I can be pretty productive. I'm still sleeping a lot of the time, but that's improving and I'm sleeping less, and then I have energy when I am awake.
Yesterday I went to Stitches with a friend. I'm not much of a yarn person overall - or at least, I didn't think I was. Before yesterday all I had really experienced was Joann-quality yarn. I didn't realize it could be so soft and fluffy!
I like to crochet (especially plushies) but I can't knit. The friend I went with spins and has offered to teach me (both spinning and knitting), and I keep telling her that I've just got a lot of other stuff on my plate.
Well, looks like I'm going to learn to spin!
So, what happened was while she was buying some yarn the woman running the table asked us both to enter a giveaway for some unspun fleece - altogether about a pound. I filled out the entry on a whim from that - not really expecting much. And I won! I was so surprised! So now I have this fleece in some beautiful colors - but not much to do with it. So I get to learn to spin so I can make it into yarn!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Not Much Is Happening
So, not much is happening around our nest these days.
I've been under the weather, again, same stuff as usual. I'm nearly always tired, or have such low energy that I don't feel capable of doing much. We're still not certain where the fatigue is coming from. I also frequently feel nauseated, or simply not hungry, so I've been eating a lot less. I'm having a lot of trouble with my depression as a result - it feels almost completely connected to having such low energy.
I'm trying to sleep with my C-PAP again, and in April I go in for another sleep study (my last one, in November, confirmed that I have slight sleep apnea - which may be causing the fatigue, but I won't know for certain for a couple of months. Potentially not until June or July, due to the nature of the tests that need to be run). In the meantime I'm trying to do my best to get things done, working when I have energy and taking it easy when I don't. I'm sleeping a lot lately, nearly twelve hours on a good day.
I'm worried, but I at least know that what is going on doesn't seem to be anything serious - my kidney and liver functions are fine, according to blood testing, as are my hormones.
One "good" thing that has come from being so sick is that I've rediscovered my love of reading - I love books. I have a library account with two local libraries (one here in Sunnyvale, the other in Mountain View), and recently figured out how to use the interlibrary system that connects me to libraries all throughout California and Nevada. I'm really excited and have been adding tons of books to my Goodreads list. I've also taken notice that the more I read, the more I want to write, which is a pleasant improvement.
Tene has been seeing a naturopath, and it seems to have helped him a decent amount so far - he has more energy now, which I am happy to see.
Reporting on The Rats - Absinthe has completely recovered from her tumor surgery and is doing great. Ai has an upper respiratory infection that's been pretty aggressive. We're into the third week of antibiotics, and the improvement has been ... patchy. I plan on calling the vet about it soon. It may be that she's just old, and her immune system is kind of shot - they did just celebrate their second birthday yesterday. Otherwise they're all doing great, and seem happy and healthy. We've moved the cage down to the living room (it was previously in the spare bedroom), and they've been getting a lot more attention as a result. I think it's been good - for both them and me.
Our lease is up in March, but we're thinking of signing on for another year here. Thinking about moving has been stressful for us both, and we're trying to figure out our options. As it currently stands we have a spare bedroom - it was going to be a workroom for me, but I never actually use it, so it's mostly empty. We're considering having someone move in, or (if the two or three people we know of decide to follow other plans) we might move to a smaller apartment within this complex.
I've been planning on visiting back home for a while, but have been busy with doctor and therapy appointments. It seems like I have something new going on every week. I should probably be visiting for a week in April - for those who want to know. The second week. Tene will not be coming with me. I'm still working/figuring out details, but I don't see any problems with this plan, currently.
I've been under the weather, again, same stuff as usual. I'm nearly always tired, or have such low energy that I don't feel capable of doing much. We're still not certain where the fatigue is coming from. I also frequently feel nauseated, or simply not hungry, so I've been eating a lot less. I'm having a lot of trouble with my depression as a result - it feels almost completely connected to having such low energy.
I'm trying to sleep with my C-PAP again, and in April I go in for another sleep study (my last one, in November, confirmed that I have slight sleep apnea - which may be causing the fatigue, but I won't know for certain for a couple of months. Potentially not until June or July, due to the nature of the tests that need to be run). In the meantime I'm trying to do my best to get things done, working when I have energy and taking it easy when I don't. I'm sleeping a lot lately, nearly twelve hours on a good day.
I'm worried, but I at least know that what is going on doesn't seem to be anything serious - my kidney and liver functions are fine, according to blood testing, as are my hormones.
One "good" thing that has come from being so sick is that I've rediscovered my love of reading - I love books. I have a library account with two local libraries (one here in Sunnyvale, the other in Mountain View), and recently figured out how to use the interlibrary system that connects me to libraries all throughout California and Nevada. I'm really excited and have been adding tons of books to my Goodreads list. I've also taken notice that the more I read, the more I want to write, which is a pleasant improvement.
Tene has been seeing a naturopath, and it seems to have helped him a decent amount so far - he has more energy now, which I am happy to see.
Reporting on The Rats - Absinthe has completely recovered from her tumor surgery and is doing great. Ai has an upper respiratory infection that's been pretty aggressive. We're into the third week of antibiotics, and the improvement has been ... patchy. I plan on calling the vet about it soon. It may be that she's just old, and her immune system is kind of shot - they did just celebrate their second birthday yesterday. Otherwise they're all doing great, and seem happy and healthy. We've moved the cage down to the living room (it was previously in the spare bedroom), and they've been getting a lot more attention as a result. I think it's been good - for both them and me.
Our lease is up in March, but we're thinking of signing on for another year here. Thinking about moving has been stressful for us both, and we're trying to figure out our options. As it currently stands we have a spare bedroom - it was going to be a workroom for me, but I never actually use it, so it's mostly empty. We're considering having someone move in, or (if the two or three people we know of decide to follow other plans) we might move to a smaller apartment within this complex.
I've been planning on visiting back home for a while, but have been busy with doctor and therapy appointments. It seems like I have something new going on every week. I should probably be visiting for a week in April - for those who want to know. The second week. Tene will not be coming with me. I'm still working/figuring out details, but I don't see any problems with this plan, currently.
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