Ratties, Ratteries, and Pets

Shortly after Avi's death I had a really hard time with my depression. We're talking absurdly hard time. I would cry when I saw her empty cage - and it took me a good week to finally move it out of my room. I had a very hard time adjusting to not having any pets.

Then I read a horrible story about a kitten killed in a horrific horrible way (no link, because the story is old and because it's so sad: here's some links to cute things instead) and it made what I was dealing with worse.

Well, then I started planning on getting married and moving in with Tene. I started doing better when I moved in, and I soon saw a doctor (I like my doctor) and she put me on Zoloft. I haven't done excellently on Zoloft (I was started at 50mg, which wasn't enough and so was raised to 100mg where the side effects made me feel miserable practically all of the time and my mood didn't improve at all, lowered back to 50mg - again wasn't enough for me, now I'm on 75mg ... Next time I see my doctor I'll likely be referred to a psychiatrist and I'll play the "Wheel of Meds" game again), but I've at least been functional/moderately able to manage my mood. I've still had a lot of motivational problems, as well as mood problems. No hyperactivity, though, which is good.

Something that seems to help me is having something - really anything - to take care of. At the moment, that's my plants - the bamboo and my bulb. The bulb is starting to sprout finally, and I'm becoming excited to see what kind of plant it is (I found the bulb downtown, unplanted, and figured I'd take care of it). I tried planting some bonsai seeds, but they're not sprouting - I suspect that they're far past their expiration date. Anyway, I think that I should try to take care of something that can return my affections.

Unfortunately it's unlikely that I'll be able to have rats in the current apartment, and I would have a hard time affording some basic things for them right now (let alone spaying and/or neutering them ... ). But, our lease is up in June, and we might not sign on for another six months, but instead move to a different apartment complex - perhaps one that allows pets! Or one that would honor therapeutic pets (this complex allows companion animals for the blind/deaf/etc, but not therapy animals).

So, in the meantime, I'm going to try to save some money up for some new rats - 3 of them, to be exact :). I'm also going to keep my eye on two local ratteries: Adelaide's and Frannie's. I've sent an email to both of them about my intention/desire to adopt in six/seven months, and I hope to keep in touch with them over the intervening months.

Tene and I have also talked about getting a cat, but I'm uncertain if we're actually going to or not.

Thanks

I was going to post this yesterday, but yesterday ended up being a very busy day, being Thanksgiving and all. So instead, I'll post it today - on a day when leaving the house seems like a very bad idea (crazy black Friday shoppers ... ).

I am thankful that by chance I was born into this world and was able to be adopted by a loving family who took great care of me and raised me well.

I am thankful that by chance a certain boy began speaking to me in a high school computer course, thereby changing both of our lives forever.

I am thankful that by chance I have met so many wonderful people, friends, who stand by me and love me - they are part of my family.

I am thankful that by chance I was born into a good middle-class family, and so have always been provided for.

I am thankful that by chance I live in a world that can provide for me more than I need.

I am thankful that by chance I live in a country where I can get an education, rather than being considered little more than a womb. I am also thankful that I have the option of having, or not having, children - and no one else can decide that for me.

I am thankful that by chance I live in a world where I can choose an occupation, or none, for myself. That I live in a world where I can honestly be anything I wish, and that my future is not decided by anyone else.

I am thankful that by chance I live in a country with wonderful healthcare  - and yet I can still complain that I want it to be better.

I am thankful for this world - this beautiful, natural world.

I am thankful for my parents, my stepparents, and my otherparents. I am thankful to my birthmother, for choosing to carry me to term. I am thankful for my brother, halfbrother, stepsiblings, and othersiblings - they are all so supportive of me when I need them to be. I'm thankful for my nephews and nieces. I am thankful for my lover and partner, I hope he will always remain by my side. I am thankful for my friends - Kayleigh, Zoie, Jekka, Teffy and Ima, Jaaku, Marty, Sherry ... and all the others who have touched my life in ways unimaginable.

Finally .... Success!

 Finally I've made a cupcake that is tasty and looks cute!

See!? Look how cute they are!

There is a bit of orange batter in there, right next to the yellow, but I didn't add enough red coloring to the batter, so it looks like there's just a big blob of yellow in the middle.

The cupcakes themselves aren't overly sweet, which is a nice constrast to the very sweet buttercream frosting. Tene put the mini chocolate chips on two of the cupcakes - and it's actually pretty tasty.

Thanks to Melika for my new whisk :D

Cupcakes Hate Me

A couple of days ago, I tried making cupcakes again. This time, I tried to make these Chocolate Chip Cupcakes from Bake or Break. They ended up .... bad.

First off, they taste weird. I think they are a bit too strong on the vanilla front, where Tene claims that they're overloaded with waaaaay too much butter. Which I can certainly understand, since I'm pretty sure there's too much butter too.

Second, they cooked weird. My cupcake pans are covered in the topping.

Finally, they were greasy. Like, dripping with grease. Was really gross.

No idea what went wrong with them, and I may try them again sometime, but for now .. these are in my "not good cupcakes" box.

Exercising

I keep meaning to start up an exercise schedule to whip my skinny butt into decent shape (seriously, I can't carry loads of laundry back and forth between my apartment and the laundry center without running out of breath and getting a stitch in my side. I can barely lift 30lbs without feeling overwhelmed. I'm a weakling), but I keep putting it off because ... well ... there really aren't any good reasons why I put it off, I just do. I'm lazy, mostly, and really really really unmotivated to do much of anything productive with my health - be it eating healthier or exercising or anything else that would be good for me.

So I've started thinking about various exercises that sound interesting to me, after all - where better to start than at the beginning: choosing an exercise of choice.

My options, or the things that sound interesting to me, are as follows:

• Running - Now, I've always hated running. I get a stitch in my side and feel like I'm going to die. I always have - I don't think I've ever run a full mile. Run/walked a full mile, sure, but never run a full mile. But for some reason, running sounds nice to me. Therapeutic somehow, I guess.
• Belly Dancing - Belly dancing has always sounded fun to me. Exotic. I just can't dance. I have no sense of beat anymore, and I'm not exactly what you would call "graceful." Even when I'm really into the music (say, when I was at the VNV show) my movements are jerky, not smooth. It's always been a problem. Also, I feel like I have this little pot-belly in development and it embarrasses me.
• Poi Dancing - Specifically with LED or Fire poi. Unfortunately, poi has the same issue that belly dancing has - I am not graceful, and I can't dance. There is the added problem that I haven't been able to find a studio which teaches poi in Salt Lake yet.
  
• Yoga - I have really enjoyed yoga in the past, and even though I don't believe in the spiritual aspects of it, I still find it refreshing. If I were to take up yoga again I would most likely take courses from Flow Yoga SLC, especially since most of the other yoga places, as far as I can tell, focus heavily on much more intense yoga than I would be comfortable starting out with (like, say, yoga in heated rooms).
• Martial Arts - Specifically kick-boxing (even if it is like the Tae-Bo thing), mixed martial arts (if that's even taught), or jiu-jitsu. My big problem here is I'm very very very much a pacifist, and I don't think I want to hurt other people.
• Free Running/Parkour - Upsides: Low cost, since there are groups that do free running together (like SLCPK), it seems like something I could do given time, and it looks friggin' fun. Downsides: ... I'm scared of breaking something, I can't do any gymnastics or acrobatics (I never even learned how to do a handstand or a cartwheel properly), and, well, I'm not really a good runner.
• Medieval Sword Fighting OR Kendo - I don't know why but both of these sound fun to me. And I don't mean fencing. I mean playing with longswords or katanas. Buuut I've always been a little crazy.

So there's a list of various exercises I've been thinking about. Maybe I'll start running over at the laundry building ...